idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize