I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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