I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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