She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
