3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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