The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
