I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Bring me that man meat
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
