My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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