He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
