We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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