i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
