Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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