He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
