I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
