Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
