i already hear my dad disowning me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
