the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize