whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
