We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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