I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
