We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
