hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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