your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
