If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
