I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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