She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
