how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
