cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
