Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
