I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
