Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
