I just threw up on my dentist
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
