he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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