Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
