i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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