What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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