Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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