I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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