in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
