How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
