i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he thought i was a dude.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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