i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you had me at cake vodka
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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