I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
