Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Screwed.edu
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you will always have a special place in my vag
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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