tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
