allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
