wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
