I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize