So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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