I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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