Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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