my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
