Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
