When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
