I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
