my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
