How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
