I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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