if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
