I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
