he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
