i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize